My Thoughts are Stars I Cannot Fathom into Constellations (Aylee - TFIOS AND DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS!)

After a day wasted in the library, first finishing all her homework, then finishing TFIOS for the fourth time, then reading about unicorns, Aoife was ready for dinner. There was nothing to do anymore. If someone had told her before all this that she’d be spending a whole Saturday in the library, moping around and regretting life, she would have told them how ridiculous that was and given them a slap for making things up. True, she could have spent time with another friend, Lyra or Victoria or someone, but it would only be awkward and stupid. Not like the time she used to spend with Hunter. No, she shouldn’t be thinking about that.

Because of a stop to at the bathroom to try and hide her cold a bit with a concealing spell thing (which didn’t actually work), she was a little late to dinner. At the Gryffindor table, she could only see a couple of seats left, both far too near to Hunter. She couldn’t see from this far back in the hall, but he probably had Seren there too. So sitting with her house was not an option. She couldn’t see Phin at the Hufflepuff table, or anyone she could bear to talk to at the Slytherin table, so she went to Ravenclaw.

Unfortunately, Victoria wasn’t in sight, but she could see her fourth-favourite old person sitting there! Aoife walked quickly along, staring at the floor to avoid meeting anyone’s eyes. She sat down, trying to give Aylee a smile that looked almost real. But then she remembered that Aylee was one of the best people to talk to! Not about HIM, of course. She probably had enough problems herself with Gryffindoggy. But TFIOS. “Aylee! I finished it four times!” she exclaimed. Her eyes lit up with more excitement than they had for a long time. Why had they not had this conversation already?

It was so weird to Aylee, how seven years had passed by so quickly. It seemed that, as though it was just yesterday, she had met James and Sydney and Ellie and Auden and all of her old friends for the first time. She was still a first-year, young and wanting to be just like everyone else. Well, she still did. But now she was alone. The only friend she had left was Kynan, and maybe Maya. Everyone else probably thought of her when they needed homework, or only talked to her when they had nobody else to talk to.

Aylee's N.E.W.T.s were approaching, and she knew that she had to study. Her parents wrote to her often, encouraging her to do so. But what was the point? Everyone thought of her as the genius, the smartass, the know-it-all. And they were right, she already knew what she had to know. She didn't want to bother going over it all again. Studying reminded her of the fact that she was officially leaving Hogwarts. Aylee had passed her Apparation test last year, but after this year she had no idea where she wanted to go. She had always wanted to work at the Ministry, but she didn't know if it was worth it anymore. She wanted to stay with her family, and be a little girl again like she always was.

Her days now mostly consisted of eating and reading. Aylee didn't pay much attention to classes anymore. That one evening in the Great Hall, she was sitting alone as usual. Her food sat in front of her, untouched, but she was re-reading The Hunger Games and thinking about the Mockingjay pin she got from Ryland last year. She was wondering where she would be now if she had stopped running away from him all the time. Would they still be friends? Would she be next to him at the Gryffindor table, instead of alone without anyone to talk to? At that thought, she closed her book and stuffed it into her bag. She didn't want to think about it. She started breathing heavily as she realized, nobody was there to care. She was alone.

Putting her face in her hands, Aylee tried to calm down. Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted when she felt someone sit down next to her. She looked up quickly, only to find the one and only red-headed Aoife. The last time they had talked was last year, when Aylee had dared Aoife to read The Fault In Our Stars. A lot seemed to have changed since then, because Aoife was wearing lipstick. The girl who swore to never become a lovey-dovey teenager was wearing lipstick! Not that it didn't suit her, though, she actually looked pretty with lipstick on. As Aoife smiled, Aylee passed her fingers onto her lips and wondered if anyone would notice her more if she wore lipstick. Then, realizing that she might looked weird, she quickly dropped her hands and fake-smiled at Aoife. "Hey," she simply said.

Then, Aoife's words got her attention. "Four times? The Fault In Our Stars? Four times?" Aylee repeated, raising her eyebrows teasingly. "No way!" Then, after a brief pause, she said, "Admit it, you cried." with a grin on her face.

Aoife wasn't sure what was going on with Aylee. The older girl hadn't really been doing much, just reading like always. Didn't she have those important wizard exams this year? Maybe that was why she was being so boring. The redhead felt sorry for her. Everyone deserved to be a bit interesting and actually have a life. It was a bit rich coming from her at the moment, what with having no life, but Aylee was a nice person. She deserved better. "Hi," she murmured back.

When the Ravenclaw's fingers were touching her lips, she gave her an odd look. What was she doing? Lips? Lips. Oh, lipstick! Because she was wearing lipstick? "Yeah, I roll like that now." But she was considering just forgetting about the makeup now. It didn't help her at all. Maybe it was the evil thing that had brought her all the bad luck this year! In that case, she had to get it off immediately. No, that was far-fetched. Aoife must have brought the bad luck on herself.

The expression on Aylee's face almost brought a genuine smile to her features. "Four times," she repeated, confirming it for her benefit. "But don't act like you haven't read it loads more. How many times? Ten, twenty?" Aoife stuck her tongue out. "And yes, I cried. Several times. But what type of heartless person wouldn't cry at The Fault in Our Stars?" A very heartless person.

It wasn't worth mentioning that the first couple of times, she'd cried because of the book, but the next couple, it was because of something else. She might have said that she'd cried due to the tragic yet beautiful masterpiece that was John Green's book, but it had often acted as an excuse to let her cry about HIM and HER and IT in sort of public places, where people might possibly see her.

"What'cha reading?" she asked, glancing down at the book Aylee had. "And why are you reading? When you could be EATING?" Eating was so great, even preferable to a book like TFIOS. Aoife picked up her plate and started piling it with lots of pasta and salad. Fooood.

What year was Aoife now? Third year, Aylee guessed. For a minute, she envied the hyperactive redhead, at least she had friends who cared about her and always someone to talk to. Then she realized that envying didn't change anything, so she pushed the thought away. Why was the girl talking to her, anyway? The annoying Ravenclaw nerd who didn't care about anything other than her books? Aylee didn't bother asking, though. But when Aoife murmured a hello, she thought for the first time that the girl might be alone as well.

Like she had predicted, Aoife gave her a weird look, but said that lipstick was her thing now. This confused Aylee. "Since when?" she asked. "You despise make-up!" The conversation quickly turned to The Fault In Our Stars, where Aoife teased her about reading the book more than four times. Aylee stuck her tongue out, too, and then frowned. "I... I forgot," she said. She knew that she had read it more than four times, but she had lost count of the many times that she had read it.

When Aoife asked who wouldn't cry at The Fault In Our Stars, Aylee let out a small giggle and said, "Kynan. Or, at least, he said that he didn't cry." Last summer, she had gotten her brother to read the book. Though he rarely read books, he got hooked onto it quickly, but Aylee didn't manage to see his reaction to the ending. Kynan had told her that it wasn't really cry-able because it was predictable, but Aylee had found a bunch of wet tissues under his pillow that same day. So, therefore, she did not believe him. She snuck a look at the Gryffindor table, where she saw Kynan's back turned to her, eating.

"Okay, what did you think of Isaac?" Aylee then asked, curiously. "And Van Houten?" She wanted to know what Aoife thought about it, because she was the only friend (or anything close to one) who she had gotten to read The Fault In Our Stars. "Did you see the movie yet? I heard it's awesome!" she exclaimed. Unfortunately, she hadn't gotten to see it, but her mother was taking her next summer after graduation. It was exciting and sad at the same time.

Then Aoife was asking why she was reading and not eating. "Oh, I'm just, not hungry," Aylee muttered as Aoife started filling up a plate of food. It was quite true. The stress about exams and all the pressure about graduating Hogwarts was getting to her tummy. All she could do at the moment was read.

Now, how should she explain her change of attitude to Aylee? It had to be in a mature, intelligent way because that was probably the language her old friend understood. “I don’t... despise makeup,” Aoife said slowly, making up her words as she went along. “I despise the manner teenagers often behave in when puberty hits and their hormones start raging.” Sounded professional, right? “Makeup is often a result of these hormones, but I wear it for different reasons.” Obviously, because she was way cooler than normal teenagers.

“You forgot,” she repeated, chuckling a little bit as she stuffed her face with more food. “Did you just lose count?” Once the redhead read the book many, many more times (just as she planned to), she’d probably lose count as well. Kynan didn’t cry? Rubbish. “Yeah, if I cried, he MUST have cried!” That boy was definitely a softie at heart. Nobody had absolutely no emotions. Especially not Aylee’s brother. That meant he definitely cried.

Ah, she got quizzed on characters now! Maybe Aylee didn’t believe that she’d read it four times? If not, she was going to prove this Ravenclaw wrong! “I love Isaac, he’s so sweet,” Aoife smiled. That boy was one of her favourite characters. “He’s still so nice and funny most of the time, even though he has plenty of reasons to be sad.” That was quite admirable. It was a struggle for her to put on a happy face at the moment, and Isaac’s life was even worse!

How did she describe her thoughts on Van Houten? “I think… he’s mean, for basically crushing Hazel’s dreams and not reading fan letters. But at the same time, he’s so funny! I laughed a lot at his bits. Except the deep emotional stuff with Gus which made me cry.” Haha. “I think he has to be great in the movie!” she grinned. “I haven’t yet. But my sister’s going to watch it with me in the holidays! What about you?”

That was not a good excuse. “Young lady, you should start eating!” she exclaimed, giving Aylee a look. “No not eating! That is VERY bad for you! Here, have some pasta!” Aoife grabbed Aylee’s plate and scooped up some pasta on to it. Even if she wouldn’t eat it, at least she had tried. And why wouldn’t she choose to eat pasta? Pasta was great!

Aylee watched as Aoife struggled to find the right words for an explanation to the whole make-up thing. It sounded like Aoife was trying to sound professional, and Aylee just laughed. "Other reasons? Like what?" she joked. Then she looked at the Gryffindor table, and raised her eyebrows suggestively while looking at Hunter out of the corner of her eye. That was when she noticed that there were plenty of seats next to Hunter, but he wasn't noticing and was just eating and laughing and talking to other friends. So he wasn't sick or anything, but if he was sick she thought that Aoife would bring up food next to him in the Hospital Wing. Aylee's smile dropped for a minute, and then looked at Aoife, "Why aren't you sitting next to him? Did you two fight or something?"

Aoife was then making fun of her losing count. Aylee grinned and said, "Maybe..." She stuck her tongue out at the little redhead, and then Aoife was telling her about how Kynan had definitely cried. "Of course he cried, I just don't believe him!" she exclaimed, laughing at the same time. "Since when do I believe anything Kynan ever says? Two years ago, he made a New Year Resolution to do better in school... look where he ended up now!"

Then they were talking about the book's characters. "Yeah, he was pretty cool as well," Aylee replied, she had liked Isaac a lot as well. "I loved his pre-funeral speech where he was like 'I would not like to see a world without Gus'. I mean, Monica was mean to dump him like that." Aylee could never get over how awesome Isaac stayed, even when he was blind, unlike Doctor Who when that Moffat git took over. But her Doctor Who opinions were separate and non-relatable to The Fault In Our Stars.

"I agree with the Van Houten thing," she said. "And, yes, he must be amazing in the movie. Like Haymitch in the Hunger Games. Do you know who's going to be playing him? That film-maker dude from the Mr Bean: The Holiday movie?" Aylee had freaked out when she found out the actor, it was pretty cool when actors from movies you knew would be playing in coming-up movies based on books you basically know by heart. "Um, mum's taking me during the summer," Aylee replied to Aoife's question.

Suddenly, Aoife was lecturing her about not eating. Well, not exactly lecturing, but she dumped a plate of pasta in front of Aylee. She decided to go for it, and stuck a few pieces into her fork. Then she ate them slowly, and frowned. "These things've got no taste," she said. "Is there any salsa here?" She half stood up to find some, she never ate pasta without salsa.

Why was Aylee laughing? Had she said something funny? Or stupid? Aoife looked puzzled, but shook it off in time to hear the next response. She shrugged, because she wasn’t going to discuss her deep emotions and hidden feelings with anyone, even a smart older girl who she trusted a lot. But then Aylee looked over to the Gryffindor table. At HIM. She pursed her lips and breathed out, not replying. The girl who was supposed to be a genius came to the conclusion that they had something going on. Eventually. She was a little surprised the older girl hadn’t heard about it or seen it. She must have already left Charms. And not be into school gossip. “I’m not talking to him.” No more words required.

She laughed as Aylee said more about Kynan lying and doing badly and being a failure. He was an awesome one, nonetheless. And he could play quidditch. Great role model, he was. “Do better in school?” she snorted. “He’s the worst person to avoid school and work I know!” Other than HIM. But she wasn’t going to think about that person, if possible. Oh, now she was thinking about him. Brilliant. Why was he everywhere, in her head and in the common room and all around the castle? He had no right to be there.

“Pretty cool? He’s probably my favourite character!” she grinned. “Monica was a horrible person. She had no good reason to dump him other than her own selfishness. She had to make it all about her when really it was Isaac who had the real problems.” Yes, Aoife was very passionate about TFIOS and her favourites of them all. “He’s awesome awesome awesome no matter what.” And she would definitely smack anyone who talked badly of her Isaac around the head, because that was what they’d deserve, whoever they might be.

The Hunger Games? “Don’t fangirl over stuff like the Hunger Games because I refuse to read crap like that.” Her standards were high after the John Green books. “Haymitch is a stupid name,” she added as an afterthought. “Let’s talk about something GOOD! Like Doctor Who! Do you like Doctor Who, Ay?”

Mr Bean! She loved Mr Bean! The film maker dude? That was awesome! Aoife actually knew who that was! “I know! That’s so cool!” she gushed. “He’s going to be awesome! He’s pretty perfect for the film, don’t you think?” She was almost certain he’d been in some other stuff,that one of her brother liked. Spiderman, was it? And he was a voice in Finding Nemo, the greatest animated film of ALL TIME! It was very emotional and heart-warming, the story of the little fish.

Ew. “I hate salsa,” she said, crinkling her nose. She had a lot of food quite plain because her opposition to various sauces and dips meant she ate little like salsa which normal people would eat. She’d never told anyone at Hogwarts about her fussy eating habits. Probably because it never came up in conversation and there were plenty of things she did eat. Like bacon.

Best. Food. Ever.