Babies (Elita)

Chloe was a nervous wreck. She ran her hands threw her blond hair. She didn't know what she would do. First she had three excellent kids. She had her life on track, yes it was hard, but she felt like she had it under control being a single mum and working at St. Mungo's. But then, the kids got taken away by their grandmother who came all the way from AMERICA to get them. Yes, they should be with blood family, but Chloe missed them. She missed them terribly. And most of all, she missed being a mother.

When Chloe got the kids taken away from her, her life spiraled down hill. She went drinking every night, and accidentally hooked up one of those nights with a man, whom at the ball she now found out was a professor here, and he didn't even remember her. Chloe thought it would be easier that way. But she still didn't know why she was freaking out. She had children before, so this shouldn't be any different. As she laid her head down on the table in frustration, Chloe looked at the wall.

She pictured the wall burning down with all her frustrations in life. Sure, she shouldn't take it out on the poor innocent castle, but it was still there, and she needed to take it out on something. She then realized she needed to talk to the headmaster about this and what it concerned her for her job, and future here at Hogwarts. She loved the place. She knew she didn't want to leave it what so ever. She loved her students, and the few co-workers she had met. At that moment, she let out a huge sigh and somebody walked in. She tried to remain composure, but it was hard.

Elita had Lucas at Hogwarts today but she didn't have classes. Today was simply one of the days where she had to be there to patrol the halls and attend staff meetings, neither of which were exciting but professors didn't get random days of the week off so it made sense. Ryland was working today and their babysitter was sick so she had agreed to take Lucas, not wanting Ryland to have to call in or their babysitter to get Lucas sick. Elita hated when Lucas got sick, it'd only happened three times before but it made her feel like the worst mother ever.

This morning, as she had got him ready, she tried - as usual - to comb his hair down but like always, the new comb broke in his hair and she was left picking out pieces of plastic. She wondered if Ryland had these troubles as a young boy. The start of her mornings were always bad but usually, the rest of her day turned out fine and today should be just as fine. In fact, today would be better than fine because she had her son with her and anytime she grew upset or angry, she'd look into his large brown eyes and remember why she was happy.

After the woman finished her rounds, she found herself heading to the staff room. It was always an area where no one else went. Why? She didn't know but there were snacks and drinks and couches there and so she went and mostly she was alone. Today, she had made sure to bring toys for Lucas to play with while she was resting up but as she opened the door, she saw someone else there. Shrugging it off, she proceeded to get a bottle of water and a sandwich and she sat at another table. She gave Lucas his bottle and some of the snacks she had brought for him before eating her own food. She didn't mind having company, but she wasn't exactly one would start conversation if that's what the woman expected.

Chloe gazed at the little brown headed boy. He was precious. Her eyes started getting teary as she looked at the professor who was with the baby. Was she a single mum? Would she know what Chloe was going threw? Would anybody? Chloe looked down at her stomach and twiddled her fingers. This was the worst possible thing that could happen to her. Everybody said that babies where a "miracle". Would having her own at this stage of her life ruin it? Would she not love the baby as much as she should? All these questions where running threw her head. Her healer said she shouldn't worry. That worrying was bad for the fetus. Worrying could stress her out. But she couldn't help herself. She was. She was also scared. She thought back to her time with the three kids. It seemed impossible. But they could mostly take care of themselves and each other so it wasn't really all that bad. But now she had to deal with an infant. A little baby that was supposed to be a "ray of sunshine".

Chloe looked on at the little boy. She was sure he had loving parents, a great support system, and money to take care of him. She was suddenly envious of the woman sitting there who seemed to have her entire life together. How could she when Chloe merely didn't know anything, and was about to take on something greater than Healing school? She wanted to lash out at the woman, but knew that wouldn't be such a good idea. Chloe knew life wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that that the twins and Alana's mother died and Chloe had to take them away from their home. It wasn't fair that they got taken away from her. It wasn't fair that she had to quit healing school the second she started to like it. It wasn't fair that she hooked up with a man she now knew was a professor. It wasn't fair that she was now pregnant with his child.

Tears rolled down her face. She looked over at the woman one last time. She said, "He's adorable." She knew she seemed creepy. She said, "I'm Chloe Gracen. Astronomy Professor. Sorry, I'm a huge mess right now." She looked at the cute little boy sitting and playing with his toys. She wished life could be as simple as sitting on a rug and playing with toys. But sadly, it was a cluster fuck of mixed emotions. And she had no idea what she was doing.

Elita loved being a mother and she would never, ever regret having Lucas but that didn't mean that sometimes she wished she would've waited just a few more years. Mostly because she caused the relationship between her and her friends and family to become strained and despite the fact that they were mostly good now, she couldn't help but dwell on the past even a little. It had always been something she did, she didn't know why but usually it upset her. However, lately, she'd learned to not let it bother her so much because her past doesn't define her, her future does. Elita looked down at the boy and noticed he had finished his food so she set him down on the floor with his toys and allowed him to play while she finished the last few bites of her own food. He was a quiet baby for the most part and she worried that he'd try to be loud because they weren't alone but when she glanced at the other woman, it seemed as though she didn't care. Elita let out a soft breath in relief.

Most people didn't like when people looked at their children because it was scary. Elita's worst fear was that someone would snatch her son and harm him. However, it didn't mean she would never allow anyone to look at him. She just wasn't like that. Elita wasn't smothering, never had been and never will be. The woman didn't talk and while it caused Elita to grow a bit nervous, it didn't really bother her. Mostly because she recognised the woman to be a Professor. She didn't know what she'd taught, as she'd only seen her around the castle but she knew that in order to be hired at Hogwarts, one had to pass extensive background checks and all sorts of shit like that. Meaning the woman was safe and Elita had nothing to worry about, well not there at that moment anyways. There'd be other things to worry about, but the blonde wasn't one of them.

Another glance up to the professor across the room showed that she was now crying while she stared at Lucas and suddenly Elita found herself feeling a bit bad. She felt bad because obviously the woman was going through something whether it be a flashback or a a current situation and all Elita was debating was whether the woman was safe or not. "Thanks," Elita said, her voice soft like always. She worried that her voice was too soft to have authority, too soft to correct Lucas when he needed it. "Elita Malfoy, Divination Professor, and it's perfectly fine." Elita offered the woman a smile before averting her eyes back to her son. Every time she looked at him she was shocked that he was actually hers, that she actually created something so adorable, so innocent and not at all like the monster she'd once been.

Chloe now realized how she must look to the other professor. She wiped her face off as she probably looked terrible. Chloe said, "No, it's not fine, not really professional at all. But I really do think he's adorable. How old is he?" He looked to be around 2 years, maybe younger. She smiled to think that here in a few short months, Chloe would have her very own child. It scared the living shit out of her, but looking at how happy Professor Malfoy was, she knew it would make her feel better when she actually held the tiny child in her own arms. She said, "I'm actually expecting. I just found out, explains the crying." She was shocked at herself. Normally she didn't open up to just anyone, but she figured that since this girl was pretty much in the same situation Chloe was in just a few years later, she would understand what she was going through.

Chloe dug threw her purse and pulled out her ultra sound photos. She said, "That's inside me right now." She still didn't believe it half the time. She still had to look at the picture just to make sure that it was actually true. She knew here in a few months she would feel it kicking and moving, which she was nervous and excited for. She asked, "Do you mind me asking a personal question?" She wanted to ask about the father. Chloe in this case, wouldn't have the father involved, considering she was pretty sure he worked here, which made this situation even more awkward. She twiddled her thumbs a little bit. She hated getting personal with people, but she knew that she needed support in this difficult time. She sometimes at night had doubts about being a mother, and that left her crying for most of the night, and into the next day.

Chloe ran her hands threw her hair again not sure of what to do. The child was just too cute, she wanted to cuddle him tightly, but she knew boundaries. It wasn't socially acceptable to run up and hug and cuddle a random strangers baby. Soon she would have her own to cuddle. Chloe asked, "What's that beautiful boys name?" She had started up a list of her own, and had a girl name picked out. She chose Hannah, after her cousin who was her best friend that had died in her Hogwarts years. She hadn't chosen a boy name as she was almost positive she was having a girl. She would love it no matter what boy or girl, but she just had an instinct. Like she did about Elita. She just knew the two would be great friends.

Elita didn't deal with crying people too well, especially when that person was a stranger well not completely but still. She found herself turning her attention away from the woman and towards the last bits of her food, feeling that it was necessary to give the girl a little bit of privacy. From the corner of her eye she could see Lucas happily playing with one of his toy trains and she could hear his light laughter. "He'll be two in May," Elita said, looking towards the woman with a slight smile. Elita wasn't usually one for conversation and this was no different, however she felt that this woman would be one to force her into talking and possibly even a friendship which wouldn't bother Elita once they knew each other. After all, she did make friends with Lucy and all. "Oh," Elita said, clearly caught off guard, "congratulations." The girl smiled truly meaning it. After all, the woman was older than Elita and probably a lot more skilled at life, which wasn't a big deal. "Is this your first?"

Before Elita could say another word, the woman had turned her attention to her purse and began to dig through it. Elita watched her, with her gaze constantly shifting back towards Lucas. Eventually, the woman pulled out little black and white photos that instantly she remembered as sonogram photos from when she had been pregnant with Lucas. She truly was excited for the other woman because children were a blessing. "It's pretty hard to believe," Elita said, sort of nodding her head a bit. "Some days I still don't feel like I'm a mother." It was true, some days she felt like Lucas didn't exist, like it was all this long ass dream and she'd wake up to find out she was still in Hogwarts living a lie. "Uhm, sure, go ahead," Elita said, wondering what the worst question could possibly be. It couldn't be too bad, right? Elita glanced up and saw her twiddling her thumbs, clearly the woman was nervous or something, though Elita had been upon finding out. "Look, it's fine to be nervous and all," Elita said, "I was still a Hogwarts student when I got pregnant with him."

The girl seemed to be stressed as she ran her hands through her hair and Elita instantly recognised what she seemed to be facing as she had been the same way. Elita had been careless, drinking and doing drugs and sleeping around with no protection so it had only been fair that she had become pregnant. "Lucas," Elita replied, looking down at him as he stopped playing to look up at her. She was thankful to have a son who understood his name. Lucas was incredibly smart and lovable and she couldn't imagine her son being anything else. "He's named after my husband and his adopted grandfather," Elita added, thinking about Phoenix and how he had went out of this world. She had felt bad about it, almost as bad as she had about Wade but mostly, she felt for Lucy and the way she had reacted because Phoenix was her father.

Yeah, it was her first...And she was a nervous wreck. She nodded nervously and said, "Yeah, it's my first. I'm terrified." Since leaving England, Chloe wasn't usually open about herself to other people, but in this situation, she figured she would need friends now more than ever. She thought that maybe Elita could be one, considering they had a little bit in common what with her child, and Chloe having one on the way. She knew that this would be way more different than raising the children she had from before. They were older, and easier to take care of, the youngest being three years old. This was a newborn baby. One she would raise from the tiny seed in her belly. If she screwed it up, it would be her fault. She didn't have anybody else to blame but herself. That, and the fact that she was completely alone made her even more terrified.

She smiled at the simplicity of his name. Lucas. It was beautiful and old fashioned and she adored it. She smiled and said, "Beautiful. If I have a girl, I'm going to name her Hannah. After my cousin who passed when we were very young." Chloe nodded at the choice. Hannah wasn't a name one heard very often. It was simple and beautiful much like Lucas. Chloe asked, "The father is still involved then?" The little boy was lucky to have both parental figures in his life. She feared that her child would only have her to look up too, and be disappointed. Chloe wasn't in a state of mind to have a child. She had thought terrible thoughts about it, but a bigger part of her wanted more for her child. A bigger part of her wanted her child to have a life. A good and healthy life.

In certain ways, Chloe envied the woman. She seemed to have her life all figured out. She had a child whom she adored, a stable job, the child's father, family to love and support her. Chloe was all alone. Sure she could go and visit her Aunt and mother any time she pleased, but she felt like a burden to them. She wanted to go to them one day and tell them that she had everything figured out. That her life was a perfect abyss and she was sailing in it peacefully. But she would be lying. She had nothing figured out. She thought going back to Hogwarts was the key. She thought going back to where her life had started would help her figure out everything. She thought that going back would help her get over David, and the pain and torture he put her threw. She hoped that she would be happy. But she was wrong. Even with a little miracle on the way, she was more confused than ever. And it was a scary place to be.

Elita understood the fears and worries that came with the first baby and in her opinion this woman had every reason to be in the panic mode she had currently been in. However, Elita had been younger than her and she hadn't even panicked that much though Elita couldn't bring herself to tell her that. She couldn't bring herself to tell the woman that she was being completely unreasonable and freaking out too much. "Good luck," Elita said, "your first is definitely a great experience, I mean it's hard sometimes but it's good - a blessing." It was true, it was a great experience, sure it was scary and hard. It was painful and sometimes Lucas even made her angry but children were a gift and she'd never regret him. Elita didn't know how to deal with people like this, she herself had been hormonal but it wasn't the same as being around someone else hormonal.

Elita smiled at the woman's smile. She used to be a complete bitch but having Lucas changed her, more so for the better. She was more open to friends and less depressed. "Thanks," Elita said her smile still plastered to her face. "That's a pretty name and I'm sorry," the girl added. If Lucas would have been a girl then she had no clue what she would have named him, maybe Lucy after Lucy and a female version of Lucas but she wasn't sure. In fact that thought made her glad that she didn't have a girl because she didn't know if she'd be able to handle the teenage hormones and all. "Not the biological father," Elita blurted out. She soon realised what she'd said and her face contorted into one of shock. Shit. What did she just admit to. Her hand ran through her hair as she took a deep breath.

Elita couldn't believe that she'd told this woman things that not even all of Ryland's family knew. And they would never know because they were dead. Wade and Phoenix would never know nor would Ryland's biological family. In fact, Elita had never even met Ryland's biological family. While she was thinking about families, her own family didn't even know the truth behind Lucas' DNA and frankly she wanted to keep it that way. She wanted as little people to know that way the risk of Lucas finding out his father wasn't Ryland would be dramatically decreased. "How far are you?" Elita asked. "I know you just said that you only just found out but there's some people who don't find out until they're like sixteen weeks." Elita was a bit curious, but she was more so making small talk - conversation because that was the civilised thing to do, right? Her gaze shifted down to Lucas who was now on his stomach trying to making vroom noises with his mouth. She couldn't believe she'd created something so beautiful.

In theory, this girls life seemed way more complicated than Chloe's entire situation. It seemed like she had it rough, but she looked like she had everything figured out, and had herself together, which was far more than what Chloe could say About herself. She was right about it being a great experience. The time she had with the three she was taking care of was spectacular and she wouldn't change the moments for the world. So the bugging question she had in her mind right now was, "if this girl was okay, does that mean I'm going to be?" Surly she was just over reacting. Chloe had never pictured herself having kids and losing the twins and little Alana made her want kids even more. And now she got her wish. There must of been a shooting star in the sky that night.

Chloe said, "that's alright. It was a long time ago." But having Hannah's loss being a long time ago, didn't mean that Chloe didn't miss her, or any easier to deal with, it just meant that it was a long time ago, and she was over the grief and had come to accept the fact that her favorite cousin was never coming back. Chloe would've loved to share this moment with Hannah and she couldn't help but think that the situation she now found herself in would be ten times easier if Hannah where here. Chloe knew Hannah would know exactly what to say.

Chloe didnt think when the woman said "not the biological father" Chloe was confused, but ELITA looked like she didn't want to talk about the situation, and it really was none of her business. Chloe knew when to stay out of the way. What was acceptable and what wasn't to ask questions about. Chloe figured that if she and ELITA where to become friends after this, then MAYBE ELITA would tell Chloe. But for now, she kept her peace and didn't bug her for any information on the biological father. As far as Chloe was concerned, as long as the child was happy, healthy, and loved, that was all that mattered.

When she was asked how far along she was Chloe replied, "about four weeks." She had gone to the doctor for a check up when she found out the news. It still gave her nightmares the way she found out, but in a way, she was glad she wasn't alone when she did. She wasn't sure what she would've done when she was alone. Chloe said, "I was pretty shocked. As you can tell." She nervously laughed. But as far as Chloe was concerned, she had to get her act back together. It wasn't about just her anymore. She had a baby to take care of.